Hello, New Life.

It has taken me a bit of time to gather my feelings and emotions to explain the vast difference in my life in just this past month. I went from one extreme to the next, and it's quite phenomenal what the brain and heart can do. Old emotions have been stirred up, realizations have hit, and I recognized things from my past I had no idea were so bad. But then something changes. Someone comes along and starts treating me like I'm great and I wonder why I didn't get this treatment beforehand. But I am thankful.

In my case, I got quite a few new people in my life who changed my world somehow. I've been swallowed in social anxiety one too many times in my past and I've been at the lowest of lows, enduring heartbreak and physical anxiety. But somehow it all changed for me this year and I'm still in awe. It's not that all problems have ceased, that's impossible in a fallen world. But many anxieties have dissipated as I changed my way of thinking and way of life.

I could write a book of scenarios that hurt me, but now I just look back at those moments and allow them to help me appreciate the difference in my life today. I tell myself to keep my confidence and proceed to find more. I talk myself into feeling okay when a social situation makes me uncomfortable--and for the most part, it really does work wonders.

I moved from Southern California, back to my hometown, and then up to Oregon within a matter of months. My emotions were all over the place and I sought out some form of freedom. Being home was difficult because I was on a different wavelength than my family and it was so hard to feel happiness. I felt like I needed to fit into their world a certain way and I just couldn't. I needed out. And then I sat in a car full of my things and drove 8 hours north to find myself surrounded by beautiful mountains and the most colorful autumn leaves I've ever seen. And I haven't looked back.

To top things off, I found myself in a relationship with the sweetest and most caring guy I've ever met. And I wasn't even trying to date at all. I've gone through so many emotions just by meeting him and couldn't figure out what was going on. I started thinking back on my past relationship in a new light, realizing he treated me horribly compared to the man I know now. And that was a harsh realization because I felt wronged even a year and a half later. I've lacked this peace, wondering why the guy in my past never apologized for how he ended things. But then I realized that he probably had no idea how badly he treated me and might never know unless I confessed and sought out an apology.

I struggle to accept that any guy would view me as "the best thing that ever happened" to them, but I somehow found one that looks at me with eyes that say it all. And it was so hard for me to accept that at first. I've found myself having anxieties and the urge to push him away, thinking I got caught up in the moment of someone liking me and didn't think things through. But he is there with me as I push through it and allow him the time to truly know me while I get to truly know him.

Although it's a harsh reality to realize that I almost settled for someone far less than him, I am thankful that God had my back and took me out of a relationship that would never make me happy enough. I now look at the man who calls me beautiful everyday and think to myself, "Is this who God wanted?" Because this is the love that I only dreamed of once upon a time ago and now it's sitting right in front of me. How could anyone think I look beautiful on days I feel disgusting? If that man exists, why on earth would I ever run away!?

There is so much to learn as I go along, but my life in Oregon has proven to be the best decision I could have made post-graduation. I love the people I meet and the scenery out here. I love the cooler weather, even if it's freezing at night. I may not know what's coming next, but I do know that I have hope that I will continue to live my life out here well and that all my concerns will become sorted. I have people supporting me and helping me out and I couldn't be more thankful.

Hello, New Life. I'm so glad you're here.

Hello, Where Are You?

Okay, future husband.

I'm convinced you're hiding away in this life you're building for yourself and the moment I step into your path I'm going to probably disrupt a few things. I feel like I'm seeking this instant connection because it just seems like that's the type of person I am and that that's what I need. But then again, who am I to say how we meet? It's frustrating. I've moved to Southern California, found a guy who surprised me a lot and walked away in the end, then moved back home, and then moved the opposite direction and found myself at the bottom of Oregon. And I love it being surrounded by mountains. But you're killin' me, man.

I tried a new church and the whole time I'm thinking, "Is he somewhere roaming this room?" I walk into stores, "Is he here?" I browse online thinking, "Is he searchable if I knew his name?" And it's pathetic, I know. It's crazy, because I'm sitting here thinking, "What is wrong with me? Why can't I just forget about it and wait?" But I did forget for a while and then after months and months of enjoying my singleness and being preoccupied, I realize that my hand is cold and that I still want someone to hold and hug and talk about everything under the sun together. It's frustrating, okay?

I don't want to wonder about you. I don't want to sit here and die inside because you're not here. It seems rather unfair that I would have gone through the years that I have with the pain that I endured for me to just be some 27 year old still wondering when on earth I'll find someone I like again and that it work out great in the end. I try hard to push aside these thoughts time and time again because quite frankly I've got way too much going on to sit and ponder.

But there you are, in the back of my mind nonetheless. And here I am, still convinced you're going to pop out of nowhere during a moment I'm not looking for you. I'll probably laugh later on when I realize how perfectly you came into my life and how awkward we were at first. I look forward to that day, I really do. I look forward to us reminiscing on our first date. However long it takes, I look forward to it.

Well, I hope you find me when I'm pursuing my dreams whole-heartedly and I hope you can sing. I'll try not to be too picky, but singing is one of my favorite languages... It would just be so nice to find someone who can speak it like that with me...

Until then,
Your Future Wife

Hello, Singleness: It's not too late to fall in love this year...

I guess when you really think about it, it's not too late to fall in love this year. It's only the beginning of the 8th month, meaning we have five months left and only God knows what's left to accomplish this year. I honestly can't believe this much time has passed since my first relationship ended, but then again, I was quite distracted by starting a new business.

Reality changes when you actually look around and realize who is actually by your side when life gets tough. But then there are those moments when you take a break from the hustle and bustle and want to share a moment of laughter (or simple conversation) and everyone on your mind you can think of is most likely preoccupied with life (or a spouse and/or kids). And there's nothing wrong with having those friends, but they can't quite relate to you when you're single at twenty-six and have no kids to take up more of your time.

Sure, I'm independent and can go wherever I want and whenever I want... But at the end of the day, who wants to know the tiny accomplishments I make or the dumb moments I've had? Who wants to hear about the complications of starting a company with the tiniest team? Who is going to sit and watch some creepy, psychological thriller with me in the middle of the week?

I've went over a year without feeling that desperate need to have and hold someone, but attending my mom's wedding has reminded me that there is no escaping the internal cry to share moments with another human being in a more-than-friendship sort of way. It reminds me of everything my last relationship lacked and what caused it to fail and the things I was deprived of in the time being. I held back to somehow accomplish his idea of a "normal" relationship, trying to always say the right things at the right time and never embarrass him in public.

Boy, was I missing out.

The problem wasn't that I was capable of embarrassing him in public, but the fact that he would be embarrassed if I acted silly or raised my voice. And all I could think of was how happy I wanted to be outloud. Then there were those exceptional moments that the silliness came out and to me, it was all worth it. But why? Why on earth would I have had to try so hard just to enjoy someone's presence to the fullest? And over the months and months of trying to be rid of my anger over it all, I finally came to a point that made me feel so much more confident in myself.

Hello, Singleness. You've been here for a while and I realize it's not too late to fall in love this year. And I guess I have these hopes he'll come out of nowhere and be this incredibly fun person to be around, respecting me as well as honoring me. It wouldn't feel like some business deal, where I have to have a certain job or amount of money just for him to stay with me (like the last guy). I think it's possible because I just watched my mom marry someone who can be real, serious, funny, and crazy all at the same time and they still know how to enjoy each other's presence. Nothing has to be perfect to make it work. No, you just need two people willing to try their very best to stick together through anything.

I knew the moment I got back from this past fun weekend that I had a lot to think about. I've masked my longing and my pain with my business and refused to go down that road of feeling the emptiness without a partner in life. I've masked it because it was extremely painful for one too many years and I didn't want to feel that way again. I thought I escaped it, but it's so hard to ignore. People think they have the right advice but I'm not looking for advice. The only thing that even helps in this time is the hope that God can send anyone at any time and a friend who can say, "I know exactly how you feel."

I've tried my very best to accept the fact that marriage never happened for me when I thought it would and I even finally became okay with how long it's been taking. I know I'm still young, but it's still been an 8 year battle (with the exception of a 7-month relationship--which was its own battle). But let's be real here. I've tasted and seen what dating is like, what a relationship is like. I still have so many questions and curiosities, like "What would a long road trip be like with someone?" or "How does it feel to be with someone who actually loves me?"

I know there are others out there who might feel the same. I know this because the more stories I hear, the more I am reminded that we all suffer through various battles as humans. I'm  building a career that allows me to know more people, understand more struggles, and see that we are not alone in anything. I'm not the only single person in their mid-twenties who has only experienced 7 months of a relationship. I bet there are others out there who are my age who have never had a relationship at all! I know I'm not the only one who has been rejected either. I'm the only me, but not the only one with these concerns.

I know the wonder is coming back and I know it'll take time for me to adjust to feeling this way all over again. I'll keep moving forward and keep hoping that someday, I'll move on from this season and find my place. I continuously hope to move away from the valley and keep my company going and grow it continuously no matter what. I know that it's possible to find someone along the way to make my days brighter and hug me when things get gray. I know God has my best interest in mind and that all I have to do is endure no matter what. I must stay patient and let life just pan out the way it's meant to pan out.

Things are changing. Things are moving. I am not comfortable for a grand purpose. There is time to fall in love again.

Hello, Hometown.

Wow, I can't believe it took me this long to blog about what's been going on. And because the unexpected happen more than once since my last post. I call this Hello, Hometown, because I did not expect to be back. But allow me to lay down the thoughts and emotions going through my head just in case someone, someday, comes across this blog and relates. My hope is to help someone remember they're not alone in struggles.

I had a room lined up with a sweet couple from my church in Southern California. I stopped worrying about finding roommates and money to rent straight after graduation. (Let's face it, if you don't have a wealthy family helping you out, finding a place right away can be a struggle! Unless you have connections to a high paying job.) Anyway, because I had a room lined up, I focused on my senior year with no extra stress. But come March, still assuming I have that room, I find out they let someone else take it and I was out of luck. I freaked out and spent April looking for my plan B. Mind you, I graduated in a month at that point.

I thought I had a family express they'd take me in if I had nowhere else to go. But when I went to them, they too changed their mind. Confused, I tried so hard to trust God. I told some people at my church and they just sympathized (what more can they do, huh?) I feel like God grabbed my world and turned it upside down on purpose. Determined to figure out why, I went along with everything. I had little to no time to figure it out. I decided I would instead live in my car.

Now, you're probably wondering why I didn't result to immediately finding a job to afford living with roommates in LA. But here's why that didn't work: First off, I founded my startup business in August of 2016. I had been pursuing it every free chance I got since I started it. I used my credit card for t-shirts, the website, you name it. I was going ALL in with no regrets (and still no regrets). I had a room lined up during that time and it comforted me. I knew that I could start my business in LA with the help of the couple from my church who supported me. I was going to pursue photography as extra income while I waited for the website to succeed and all was going to be fine.

I did not foresee the change in living situation (or lack of). And before I knew that was happening, guess what else happened in March? I bought a ticket to England for my vacation after graduating, my way of celebrating. I was going to split costs of hotels and things with a friend and we were going to explore together. So when I lost that room, I had nowhere to stay before and after my LAX flight out to Manchester, England. Could I get a job right after? Nope. My England flight was pre-paid for by a client of mine, non-refundable, and basically set in stone for a 3 week trip. And after weeks and weeks of waiting to at least see if my friend was going, she expressed it was bad timing and changed her mind.

So that was it. After graduating I would have no home, no place for my stuff, and one week to fly out alone to England with no extra spending money because I knew I had to use it on an unexpected storage unit for my things, gas to drive home, and figure it out... and then drive back to LA just to get on my flight. I could not have been more surprised by the outcome of life because nothing, absolutely nothing, went to plan.

Now, you're probably wondering what ended up happening because obviously I've stated I'm back at home. But it didn't start off that way. My mom's home didn't have room for me. All rooms were occupied and the house was actually overpacked with family due to my mom taking in another little family. I figured I'd live in my car until I figured out my life...but then an aunt called and long story short... she offered me a room at her place. Not really an idea place to stay, but it was a room and I had to suck it up and accept it, even though I feared feeling like a kid, living under a family member's roof.

And that was exactly what went down. I was there for a week, all was okay. I drove back down to LA, stayed at a friend's, thought I had a ride to the airport, found out I didn't literally 20 minutes before the time I planned to get picked up, had an anxiety attack, wasted $50 resulting to Lyft, got on my flight, and flew to England. My friends there cancelled on half the plans, I was alone 2/3rds of my trip, and eager to come back home. I come back home and find out my old room is going to be available again soon. I express to my aunt I'm moving out, she treats me like garbage, forces me to get out that day, calling me a kid, I somehow get all my things in my uncle's trunk unexpectedly without any boxes to pack, and I'm out the door and on my way to my mom's.

I start advertising my photography business again and no one schedules. I'm digging into savings like there's no tomorrow just to pay my bills on time. I spend countless hours job hunting just to hate every option because nothing in the central valley fits anything I am passionate about or even went to school for. I no longer had the opportunities I did in LA and I had to start right back at square one. And all I could think is, "How on earth did this happen and why?"

Hello, Hometown. You're just the way I left you.

I'm different now, I see that. I'm determined to get my own place and build my website into a community of people who inspire and help each other. I'm determined to use my art for good and build a company off of it. I'm determined to collaborate with likeminded individuals and turn this all around because I believe God allowed all of this to turn around and end up like this to instead show His glory... And I know He's going to do something impossible because I'm broke as a joke, living at home, starting a business because I refuse to give up.

This is my story and I have to choose to move forward. I am beginning to think that God knew I needed something here at my hometown to get me started that I wouldn't get in LA. I believe that God planned this all out just to remind me and show me that it is impossible for me to know the future and plan for it. It was like this great reminder that I shouldn't be so consumed with what's ahead of me and I shouldn't overly plan or obsess with planning like I tend to do. And He wanted to show me the beauty in the unknown instead of the fear.

So here I am. In a place I didn't imagine being but I'm humbled. I am here to understand yet another reason to empathize with others instead of judge. I'm here to inspire others to show them that when you really want something, it is possible no matter what your circumstances are. I'm here to be a living example of doing what the world doesn't believe you could do. One day I'll rise and look back at this time and understand how completely necessary it was that I lost everything in order to gain everything.

The unexpected is a scary, beautiful, and glorious thing when you let God take the lead in your walk of life. If I didn't come home, I wouldn't have been able to see my sister choose to pursue fashion design and join me in the business. I wouldn't have been able to work closely with her to allow the website to flourish even more and even faster. If I didn't come back this way, I would miss out on all these stories that were here all along. The place I grew up at. And how funny it is that the sermon I heard on my last day in SoCal before I moved away was on the idea that God sometimes tells us to go back home in order to find our way.

Sometimes we just need to go back home and start over.

So here I am.

Hello, Freedom.

Here's a little somethin' on my mind that I never necessarily opened up about. At least, not in a blog. And I think it's something very important to recognize. There are going to be people in your life who come and unknowingly cause you to doubt yourself. They question your success and pass worry over to you. It happened to me in a very sad way. It happened from a person that it shouldn't have. But today I can see myself in a much better light and I've been able to also take note in how much more freedom I've found without them.

Let's give a little background. I'm fully aware that my past relationship was discontinued due to his lack of faith in me (and love, I'm sure). And one of my biggest struggles that I tried so hard to communicate about was how often I felt that he didn't  believe in me. It was as if he didn't know how to listen to my passions and encourage me to do what makes me happy. Instead, it really felt like he was trying to make our relationship into a business deal. So in the end, he was hoping for dual income, not companionship. My priority, however, was companionship. And I noticed there were some faults that needed fixings.

He and his friend did a particular bruising to me (mentally). They spoke about their jobs and would somehow throw it in my face (and my friend's face) that they work hard and deserve a certain respect. They would laugh at certain lifestyles and remind us how tired they work and how often it is. It was as if their jobs defined them. And I guess it sort of did. It irritated me because I was undermined too often. My photography business that I started at age 16 meant nothing in their eyes, even though I had the ability to make my own money without being employed and I'm not sure they could do that. I had a service to offer and I took care of myself.

The man I was with worried about me. He worried so much that it hurt my feelings because all I could see is his doubt in me. Would I get a job after college? Would I make a lot of money? Would I pay my loans? Half the time, I felt as if none of this was his business because he showed me no promise of a future with me. He showed me no interest or serious commitment for potential marriage. And because that was the case, I didn't think he deserved to know my financial standings. He ignored the part where I said I took care of myself and that I've financially saved myself from my debts for years. All he could think was that no one in my family would help me out instead of thinking about the fact that I was not privileged like he was. He didn't see my potential for more. He only saw me as a risky asset to his "business relationship" we somehow ended up having.

Before I knew it, he was secretly making decisions on his own that I wouldn't be "rolling in the dough" or getting him his ideal life. He made me feel like I was a child and he was an adult. In reality, I knew that he had a low of growing up to do in the relationship area and losing him was probably for the very, very best. Ever since that ended, I was able to focus on what I wanted to do with my life without someone constantly asking about my debt, my plans, or my career choice. And without that doubtful voice on the side, I could find my "spark" much better.

So then I founded my next startup business, which hasn't been launched, but is definitely in the making as I finish up schooling. I have never felt happier with my plans and I've also been able to embrace this sort of faith that doesn't need to know every detail of my future. And I know God works this way because He has always surprised me with the perfect solution to all my problems. I tend to fail at guessing, but I've been so open to whatever it is He plans to do in my life and it's been extremely liberating.

Without him making me feel bad for a life I haven't even lived yet, I'm able to plan a life I don't even fully know about yet. He's not influencing my decisions and I'm seeing how much better it is that way. I will try my best to continuously forgive him (because the LORD knows how long it's already been taking...) I embrace my ability to empathize with people and understand that life is priceless. Money isn't my goal, but rather putting money in a better place to make a better life. I want to change lives no matter how much I make.

I knew his motives behind the breakup and it explained absolutely everything when he said to me, "My biggest fear is that you'll become extremely successful." The only sad thing about that fear is that he didn't already believe I was capable of becoming successful. But the funny part is that I knew I could. He also said that if I were to make a movie, I would make him look horrible in it. But you know what I said in return? "No, I would make a movie about how great you are." And my final words to him that day were that my goal of the relationship was to love him and remind him that he matters in this world.

Never once did I doubt his potential, his future, or worry about his ability to make money or not. I wouldn't care if he got fired and became broke. Love stands by your side no matter what. And that's why I now know that the next guy to be with me will be someone who pursues me, believes in me, and takes the time to know me in every single way possible. He will love me no matter what my income is, no matter my debt, and no matter my success. And because of that love, I will strive for success in every way and I will soar high because God is my strength.

Hello, Freedom. You're here and I'm going to travel the world and change lives.

Hello, Bad Day.

Not really sure where to start, but let's just say this week did not greet me well. After losing my key to my apartment somewhere before I drove my car 4.5 hours back to school, I had to immediately dive back into classes and stress. But then Thursday happens. Good ol' Thursday. My Wednesday was a normal day. I worked, had lunch, took a nap, did homework, did slight online shopping for an extra battery for my camera, then went to bed.

Upon waking up on Thursday morning to my alarm, I was extremely tired because sleep was hard to come by (even with my sleep aid pill I only take on nights I know I won't sleep). Nothing gets this body to get drowsy except daylight! Anyway. I wake up and realize I was just dreaming about my ex-boyfriend and his dad was there, married to this really young chick. I don't think he wanted me there (we were at some house I've never seen in my life). But my ex was glad I was there and I was just sort of going with it. I don't remember all the details except when I woke up and thought, "What? That was weird..."

I realize I'm running late and rush to get ready. I grab a quick breakfast, grab my purse and backpack, and head outside. Upon approaching my car which was right out front of my apartment, I notice my hand sanitizer bottle on the ground by my car. That was my first clue that something was up. I grab the bottle and realize all my doors are unlocked, all my stuff in the car is messed with and there's my car's paperwork thrown out on the seat, my sunglasses and my mom's cassette tapes in the middle department, my receipts thrown out of another small compartment, and my t-shirts box in the back move out of place.

I felt so violated and disgusted knowing this happened and fearfully opened my trunk, hoping and praying that I didn't accidentally leave anything of value to me in there because that's usually where I temporally hide the good stuff if I don't have time to carry it to my apartment when I'm parked far away. It had been a crazy week already, I was still slowly taking things inside after my trip home. I knew I took out my cameras and only had household things in there, like a stool (photography prop, hah), my tripod, another box of t-shirts, air mattress, vacuum box from the portable handheld vacuum I use in the car, and some oil for the car.

And then there was my new camera's box it came in packed inside of the box it was shipped in (a plain brown box). It was left wide open with the camera box missing. As happy as I am the camera wasn't in there (because I'm not that dumb and I wouldn't just casually have a new camera chillin' over night in a car), I'm still upset they took a box that I intended to keep with manuals I would have liked in case I needed them, and in case someday I sell the camera. I love keeping my original boxes to my equipment because I'm a photographer and new equipment is like a new baby. I'm sad because it's something I literally cannot replace unless I buy a whole new camera (which obviously isn't happening haha). But in the end, yes, I am thankful that I had nothing worth stealing in the car. I have double and triple checked that my new camera is safe in its bag just to feel better.

To the person who was dumb enough to take an empty box and dirty my car... I hope you get caught and suffer consequences for invading people's property. Just get a job and make your own money!

On another note, I really need to hurry up and graduate so I can have time to work and get income and buy a new car! I need one with keys that automatically lock it so I never have to fear if I remembered to manually do it.

Hello, Unexpected Purchases.

Today I did something radical. In fact, it's the second radical thing I did and I'm not even ashamed because my faith has sky-rocketed in the past few months and I couldn't be more proud of my God. He heals broken hearts, comforts the grieving and shows up right on time to solve your biggest problems. And when one bad thing happens, a good thing comes in return. And when that good thing comes, I'm not afraid for another bad to try and compete because I know the power of my God and I know I'm not afraid because of that.

Today I purchased my next dream camera. It's been since 2011 that I felt this way when I purchased my last camera. I eagerly waited for it to arrive, explaining to my students' mom that I had a package coming that I needed to sign for before I could come teach the kids. And I delayed work to sign for that package, born on October 4, 2011. I went to teach and 2 hours later I could finally come home to unbox that new baby and feel inspired to do great things. And I did just that.

I did great things. And as the years went by, those great things faded and faded, especially with school. And I lost a part of me. A good part. A part I was so fond of and yet couldn't find for months and months out of each year I was in school. I was almost angry that I got myself stuck in a place that didn't let me explore, be, grow the way I was used to. But at the same time, I was thankful for the challenge. I was thankful for the people I met and the friends I made. Because that, to me, was worth the cost that college came with and I wouldn't change my past one bit. Well, maybe a few tiny things. But who cares! I am greater because of my battles.

I wanted to save up for it, I did. I wanted to feel "responsible" the way the world judges responsibility and make everyone around me happy (or my way of avoiding someone telling me how to live my life, hah.) But this debt of mine is mine and mine alone. The money I make is on my own and the items I purchase are my chosen investments. You see, my business has always been photography and I'll always have that part in me. I will find myself on photo sessions, feeling proud of the outcome and sharing it on social media because it's a story worth telling. This is why I know I couldn't save up for something grand when I need something grand to make that happen.

Let's make it simpler to understand. I'm used to using items to make money, and that's called business. And in that business, I invest in equipment that helps me produce a product that holds value. To someone else they see a camera worth $3k or more, but to me, I see thousands of dollars in trade for stories, memories, and art to place in someone's home to cherish forever. Because let's face it, memories are more valuable than money and people don't pay for money, they pay for goods, services, hopes, dreams, memories, and the list goes on. I'm not trying to collect money-no, no, no--I'm trying to trade it in for the greater things and let it help me give to others those greater things in life, those greater memories, and those greater moments.

I don't see debt, I see a sum of money I need to earn through the investments I properly chose. A businessperson would understand completely the idea of buying wholesales in order to resell each item for a higher price in order to make a profit. And the average person who strays from business would somewhat, sorta understand so long as it is explained or searched on Google. Well, that's basically been my life and I didn't even know it. I knew what it was like to take something small and multiply into endless possibilities. You spend first, earn later. That's basic business.

So hello to unexpected purchases, because my motivation came back, my hope came back, and my faith soar high--finally after all this time. Because all I want to do is trade in the riches in this world for the priceless gifts it holds. All I want to do is make someone's day while simultaneously doing my best to change the world. And as someone once told me, a wise old man well into his career in business: Money isn't bad. Earning a lot of money isn't bad either. You don't have to love money in order to make money. Because if you take from the money lovers and the prideful, you allow it to be placed in your hands and you can decide of the better places that money can go toward. (These words were my paraphrase, but the concept was his.)

I will never forget when he said that because I finally started to see the value (and only value) that money has. It alone is worth nothing. But it can be traded for something that can change lives, and until you notice that, you'll always strive for money and end up empty and alone.

I grew up earning my money with services. I never felt good spending money I didn't earn myself. The only time I allowed it was when I was young and my dad asked if I wanted a snack and as his child I said yes and let him buy me food. He helped bring me on this earth, he helped me get through and provided for me for many, many years before losing his job and eventually years later losing his life. I'm changed because of that but if there is one thing I remember is that he traded in his money for something that made his daughter happy. He practiced the value in it even when times were tough. He provided food no matter what, no matter how, even when I was able to purchase my own (which I did, but he still brought home food). My mom was the same, always feeding us and taking care of us. I grew up not with the idea that money gives you everything but that everything is found in people and in love.

Before I change subjects, I will conclude to say that before making my dream purchase of something I know will bring me great things and further both my business (photography AND my startup), I decided to purchase something that will help someone else's dream first and now I have all the more reason to earn that money back because I knew where it was spent. Not everyone has the advantage of credit, I understand, but I worked my way toward it and I earned it because I always, no matter what, pay my loaners back because they help me reach dreams and deserve my loyalty. That's how I view investing and I always will.