Hello, Hometown.

Wow, I can't believe it took me this long to blog about what's been going on. And because the unexpected happen more than once since my last post. I call this Hello, Hometown, because I did not expect to be back. But allow me to lay down the thoughts and emotions going through my head just in case someone, someday, comes across this blog and relates. My hope is to help someone remember they're not alone in struggles.

I had a room lined up with a sweet couple from my church in Southern California. I stopped worrying about finding roommates and money to rent straight after graduation. (Let's face it, if you don't have a wealthy family helping you out, finding a place right away can be a struggle! Unless you have connections to a high paying job.) Anyway, because I had a room lined up, I focused on my senior year with no extra stress. But come March, still assuming I have that room, I find out they let someone else take it and I was out of luck. I freaked out and spent April looking for my plan B. Mind you, I graduated in a month at that point.

I thought I had a family express they'd take me in if I had nowhere else to go. But when I went to them, they too changed their mind. Confused, I tried so hard to trust God. I told some people at my church and they just sympathized (what more can they do, huh?) I feel like God grabbed my world and turned it upside down on purpose. Determined to figure out why, I went along with everything. I had little to no time to figure it out. I decided I would instead live in my car.

Now, you're probably wondering why I didn't result to immediately finding a job to afford living with roommates in LA. But here's why that didn't work: First off, I founded my startup business in August of 2016. I had been pursuing it every free chance I got since I started it. I used my credit card for t-shirts, the website, you name it. I was going ALL in with no regrets (and still no regrets). I had a room lined up during that time and it comforted me. I knew that I could start my business in LA with the help of the couple from my church who supported me. I was going to pursue photography as extra income while I waited for the website to succeed and all was going to be fine.

I did not foresee the change in living situation (or lack of). And before I knew that was happening, guess what else happened in March? I bought a ticket to England for my vacation after graduating, my way of celebrating. I was going to split costs of hotels and things with a friend and we were going to explore together. So when I lost that room, I had nowhere to stay before and after my LAX flight out to Manchester, England. Could I get a job right after? Nope. My England flight was pre-paid for by a client of mine, non-refundable, and basically set in stone for a 3 week trip. And after weeks and weeks of waiting to at least see if my friend was going, she expressed it was bad timing and changed her mind.

So that was it. After graduating I would have no home, no place for my stuff, and one week to fly out alone to England with no extra spending money because I knew I had to use it on an unexpected storage unit for my things, gas to drive home, and figure it out... and then drive back to LA just to get on my flight. I could not have been more surprised by the outcome of life because nothing, absolutely nothing, went to plan.

Now, you're probably wondering what ended up happening because obviously I've stated I'm back at home. But it didn't start off that way. My mom's home didn't have room for me. All rooms were occupied and the house was actually overpacked with family due to my mom taking in another little family. I figured I'd live in my car until I figured out my life...but then an aunt called and long story short... she offered me a room at her place. Not really an idea place to stay, but it was a room and I had to suck it up and accept it, even though I feared feeling like a kid, living under a family member's roof.

And that was exactly what went down. I was there for a week, all was okay. I drove back down to LA, stayed at a friend's, thought I had a ride to the airport, found out I didn't literally 20 minutes before the time I planned to get picked up, had an anxiety attack, wasted $50 resulting to Lyft, got on my flight, and flew to England. My friends there cancelled on half the plans, I was alone 2/3rds of my trip, and eager to come back home. I come back home and find out my old room is going to be available again soon. I express to my aunt I'm moving out, she treats me like garbage, forces me to get out that day, calling me a kid, I somehow get all my things in my uncle's trunk unexpectedly without any boxes to pack, and I'm out the door and on my way to my mom's.

I start advertising my photography business again and no one schedules. I'm digging into savings like there's no tomorrow just to pay my bills on time. I spend countless hours job hunting just to hate every option because nothing in the central valley fits anything I am passionate about or even went to school for. I no longer had the opportunities I did in LA and I had to start right back at square one. And all I could think is, "How on earth did this happen and why?"

Hello, Hometown. You're just the way I left you.

I'm different now, I see that. I'm determined to get my own place and build my website into a community of people who inspire and help each other. I'm determined to use my art for good and build a company off of it. I'm determined to collaborate with likeminded individuals and turn this all around because I believe God allowed all of this to turn around and end up like this to instead show His glory... And I know He's going to do something impossible because I'm broke as a joke, living at home, starting a business because I refuse to give up.

This is my story and I have to choose to move forward. I am beginning to think that God knew I needed something here at my hometown to get me started that I wouldn't get in LA. I believe that God planned this all out just to remind me and show me that it is impossible for me to know the future and plan for it. It was like this great reminder that I shouldn't be so consumed with what's ahead of me and I shouldn't overly plan or obsess with planning like I tend to do. And He wanted to show me the beauty in the unknown instead of the fear.

So here I am. In a place I didn't imagine being but I'm humbled. I am here to understand yet another reason to empathize with others instead of judge. I'm here to inspire others to show them that when you really want something, it is possible no matter what your circumstances are. I'm here to be a living example of doing what the world doesn't believe you could do. One day I'll rise and look back at this time and understand how completely necessary it was that I lost everything in order to gain everything.

The unexpected is a scary, beautiful, and glorious thing when you let God take the lead in your walk of life. If I didn't come home, I wouldn't have been able to see my sister choose to pursue fashion design and join me in the business. I wouldn't have been able to work closely with her to allow the website to flourish even more and even faster. If I didn't come back this way, I would miss out on all these stories that were here all along. The place I grew up at. And how funny it is that the sermon I heard on my last day in SoCal before I moved away was on the idea that God sometimes tells us to go back home in order to find our way.

Sometimes we just need to go back home and start over.

So here I am.