Hello, Singleness: It's not too late to fall in love this year...

I guess when you really think about it, it's not too late to fall in love this year. It's only the beginning of the 8th month, meaning we have five months left and only God knows what's left to accomplish this year. I honestly can't believe this much time has passed since my first relationship ended, but then again, I was quite distracted by starting a new business.

Reality changes when you actually look around and realize who is actually by your side when life gets tough. But then there are those moments when you take a break from the hustle and bustle and want to share a moment of laughter (or simple conversation) and everyone on your mind you can think of is most likely preoccupied with life (or a spouse and/or kids). And there's nothing wrong with having those friends, but they can't quite relate to you when you're single at twenty-six and have no kids to take up more of your time.

Sure, I'm independent and can go wherever I want and whenever I want... But at the end of the day, who wants to know the tiny accomplishments I make or the dumb moments I've had? Who wants to hear about the complications of starting a company with the tiniest team? Who is going to sit and watch some creepy, psychological thriller with me in the middle of the week?

I've went over a year without feeling that desperate need to have and hold someone, but attending my mom's wedding has reminded me that there is no escaping the internal cry to share moments with another human being in a more-than-friendship sort of way. It reminds me of everything my last relationship lacked and what caused it to fail and the things I was deprived of in the time being. I held back to somehow accomplish his idea of a "normal" relationship, trying to always say the right things at the right time and never embarrass him in public.

Boy, was I missing out.

The problem wasn't that I was capable of embarrassing him in public, but the fact that he would be embarrassed if I acted silly or raised my voice. And all I could think of was how happy I wanted to be outloud. Then there were those exceptional moments that the silliness came out and to me, it was all worth it. But why? Why on earth would I have had to try so hard just to enjoy someone's presence to the fullest? And over the months and months of trying to be rid of my anger over it all, I finally came to a point that made me feel so much more confident in myself.

Hello, Singleness. You've been here for a while and I realize it's not too late to fall in love this year. And I guess I have these hopes he'll come out of nowhere and be this incredibly fun person to be around, respecting me as well as honoring me. It wouldn't feel like some business deal, where I have to have a certain job or amount of money just for him to stay with me (like the last guy). I think it's possible because I just watched my mom marry someone who can be real, serious, funny, and crazy all at the same time and they still know how to enjoy each other's presence. Nothing has to be perfect to make it work. No, you just need two people willing to try their very best to stick together through anything.

I knew the moment I got back from this past fun weekend that I had a lot to think about. I've masked my longing and my pain with my business and refused to go down that road of feeling the emptiness without a partner in life. I've masked it because it was extremely painful for one too many years and I didn't want to feel that way again. I thought I escaped it, but it's so hard to ignore. People think they have the right advice but I'm not looking for advice. The only thing that even helps in this time is the hope that God can send anyone at any time and a friend who can say, "I know exactly how you feel."

I've tried my very best to accept the fact that marriage never happened for me when I thought it would and I even finally became okay with how long it's been taking. I know I'm still young, but it's still been an 8 year battle (with the exception of a 7-month relationship--which was its own battle). But let's be real here. I've tasted and seen what dating is like, what a relationship is like. I still have so many questions and curiosities, like "What would a long road trip be like with someone?" or "How does it feel to be with someone who actually loves me?"

I know there are others out there who might feel the same. I know this because the more stories I hear, the more I am reminded that we all suffer through various battles as humans. I'm  building a career that allows me to know more people, understand more struggles, and see that we are not alone in anything. I'm not the only single person in their mid-twenties who has only experienced 7 months of a relationship. I bet there are others out there who are my age who have never had a relationship at all! I know I'm not the only one who has been rejected either. I'm the only me, but not the only one with these concerns.

I know the wonder is coming back and I know it'll take time for me to adjust to feeling this way all over again. I'll keep moving forward and keep hoping that someday, I'll move on from this season and find my place. I continuously hope to move away from the valley and keep my company going and grow it continuously no matter what. I know that it's possible to find someone along the way to make my days brighter and hug me when things get gray. I know God has my best interest in mind and that all I have to do is endure no matter what. I must stay patient and let life just pan out the way it's meant to pan out.

Things are changing. Things are moving. I am not comfortable for a grand purpose. There is time to fall in love again.