Hello, Freedom.

Here's a little somethin' on my mind that I never necessarily opened up about. At least, not in a blog. And I think it's something very important to recognize. There are going to be people in your life who come and unknowingly cause you to doubt yourself. They question your success and pass worry over to you. It happened to me in a very sad way. It happened from a person that it shouldn't have. But today I can see myself in a much better light and I've been able to also take note in how much more freedom I've found without them.

Let's give a little background. I'm fully aware that my past relationship was discontinued due to his lack of faith in me (and love, I'm sure). And one of my biggest struggles that I tried so hard to communicate about was how often I felt that he didn't  believe in me. It was as if he didn't know how to listen to my passions and encourage me to do what makes me happy. Instead, it really felt like he was trying to make our relationship into a business deal. So in the end, he was hoping for dual income, not companionship. My priority, however, was companionship. And I noticed there were some faults that needed fixings.

He and his friend did a particular bruising to me (mentally). They spoke about their jobs and would somehow throw it in my face (and my friend's face) that they work hard and deserve a certain respect. They would laugh at certain lifestyles and remind us how tired they work and how often it is. It was as if their jobs defined them. And I guess it sort of did. It irritated me because I was undermined too often. My photography business that I started at age 16 meant nothing in their eyes, even though I had the ability to make my own money without being employed and I'm not sure they could do that. I had a service to offer and I took care of myself.

The man I was with worried about me. He worried so much that it hurt my feelings because all I could see is his doubt in me. Would I get a job after college? Would I make a lot of money? Would I pay my loans? Half the time, I felt as if none of this was his business because he showed me no promise of a future with me. He showed me no interest or serious commitment for potential marriage. And because that was the case, I didn't think he deserved to know my financial standings. He ignored the part where I said I took care of myself and that I've financially saved myself from my debts for years. All he could think was that no one in my family would help me out instead of thinking about the fact that I was not privileged like he was. He didn't see my potential for more. He only saw me as a risky asset to his "business relationship" we somehow ended up having.

Before I knew it, he was secretly making decisions on his own that I wouldn't be "rolling in the dough" or getting him his ideal life. He made me feel like I was a child and he was an adult. In reality, I knew that he had a low of growing up to do in the relationship area and losing him was probably for the very, very best. Ever since that ended, I was able to focus on what I wanted to do with my life without someone constantly asking about my debt, my plans, or my career choice. And without that doubtful voice on the side, I could find my "spark" much better.

So then I founded my next startup business, which hasn't been launched, but is definitely in the making as I finish up schooling. I have never felt happier with my plans and I've also been able to embrace this sort of faith that doesn't need to know every detail of my future. And I know God works this way because He has always surprised me with the perfect solution to all my problems. I tend to fail at guessing, but I've been so open to whatever it is He plans to do in my life and it's been extremely liberating.

Without him making me feel bad for a life I haven't even lived yet, I'm able to plan a life I don't even fully know about yet. He's not influencing my decisions and I'm seeing how much better it is that way. I will try my best to continuously forgive him (because the LORD knows how long it's already been taking...) I embrace my ability to empathize with people and understand that life is priceless. Money isn't my goal, but rather putting money in a better place to make a better life. I want to change lives no matter how much I make.

I knew his motives behind the breakup and it explained absolutely everything when he said to me, "My biggest fear is that you'll become extremely successful." The only sad thing about that fear is that he didn't already believe I was capable of becoming successful. But the funny part is that I knew I could. He also said that if I were to make a movie, I would make him look horrible in it. But you know what I said in return? "No, I would make a movie about how great you are." And my final words to him that day were that my goal of the relationship was to love him and remind him that he matters in this world.

Never once did I doubt his potential, his future, or worry about his ability to make money or not. I wouldn't care if he got fired and became broke. Love stands by your side no matter what. And that's why I now know that the next guy to be with me will be someone who pursues me, believes in me, and takes the time to know me in every single way possible. He will love me no matter what my income is, no matter my debt, and no matter my success. And because of that love, I will strive for success in every way and I will soar high because God is my strength.

Hello, Freedom. You're here and I'm going to travel the world and change lives.

Hello, Unexpected Purchases.

Today I did something radical. In fact, it's the second radical thing I did and I'm not even ashamed because my faith has sky-rocketed in the past few months and I couldn't be more proud of my God. He heals broken hearts, comforts the grieving and shows up right on time to solve your biggest problems. And when one bad thing happens, a good thing comes in return. And when that good thing comes, I'm not afraid for another bad to try and compete because I know the power of my God and I know I'm not afraid because of that.

Today I purchased my next dream camera. It's been since 2011 that I felt this way when I purchased my last camera. I eagerly waited for it to arrive, explaining to my students' mom that I had a package coming that I needed to sign for before I could come teach the kids. And I delayed work to sign for that package, born on October 4, 2011. I went to teach and 2 hours later I could finally come home to unbox that new baby and feel inspired to do great things. And I did just that.

I did great things. And as the years went by, those great things faded and faded, especially with school. And I lost a part of me. A good part. A part I was so fond of and yet couldn't find for months and months out of each year I was in school. I was almost angry that I got myself stuck in a place that didn't let me explore, be, grow the way I was used to. But at the same time, I was thankful for the challenge. I was thankful for the people I met and the friends I made. Because that, to me, was worth the cost that college came with and I wouldn't change my past one bit. Well, maybe a few tiny things. But who cares! I am greater because of my battles.

I wanted to save up for it, I did. I wanted to feel "responsible" the way the world judges responsibility and make everyone around me happy (or my way of avoiding someone telling me how to live my life, hah.) But this debt of mine is mine and mine alone. The money I make is on my own and the items I purchase are my chosen investments. You see, my business has always been photography and I'll always have that part in me. I will find myself on photo sessions, feeling proud of the outcome and sharing it on social media because it's a story worth telling. This is why I know I couldn't save up for something grand when I need something grand to make that happen.

Let's make it simpler to understand. I'm used to using items to make money, and that's called business. And in that business, I invest in equipment that helps me produce a product that holds value. To someone else they see a camera worth $3k or more, but to me, I see thousands of dollars in trade for stories, memories, and art to place in someone's home to cherish forever. Because let's face it, memories are more valuable than money and people don't pay for money, they pay for goods, services, hopes, dreams, memories, and the list goes on. I'm not trying to collect money-no, no, no--I'm trying to trade it in for the greater things and let it help me give to others those greater things in life, those greater memories, and those greater moments.

I don't see debt, I see a sum of money I need to earn through the investments I properly chose. A businessperson would understand completely the idea of buying wholesales in order to resell each item for a higher price in order to make a profit. And the average person who strays from business would somewhat, sorta understand so long as it is explained or searched on Google. Well, that's basically been my life and I didn't even know it. I knew what it was like to take something small and multiply into endless possibilities. You spend first, earn later. That's basic business.

So hello to unexpected purchases, because my motivation came back, my hope came back, and my faith soar high--finally after all this time. Because all I want to do is trade in the riches in this world for the priceless gifts it holds. All I want to do is make someone's day while simultaneously doing my best to change the world. And as someone once told me, a wise old man well into his career in business: Money isn't bad. Earning a lot of money isn't bad either. You don't have to love money in order to make money. Because if you take from the money lovers and the prideful, you allow it to be placed in your hands and you can decide of the better places that money can go toward. (These words were my paraphrase, but the concept was his.)

I will never forget when he said that because I finally started to see the value (and only value) that money has. It alone is worth nothing. But it can be traded for something that can change lives, and until you notice that, you'll always strive for money and end up empty and alone.

I grew up earning my money with services. I never felt good spending money I didn't earn myself. The only time I allowed it was when I was young and my dad asked if I wanted a snack and as his child I said yes and let him buy me food. He helped bring me on this earth, he helped me get through and provided for me for many, many years before losing his job and eventually years later losing his life. I'm changed because of that but if there is one thing I remember is that he traded in his money for something that made his daughter happy. He practiced the value in it even when times were tough. He provided food no matter what, no matter how, even when I was able to purchase my own (which I did, but he still brought home food). My mom was the same, always feeding us and taking care of us. I grew up not with the idea that money gives you everything but that everything is found in people and in love.

Before I change subjects, I will conclude to say that before making my dream purchase of something I know will bring me great things and further both my business (photography AND my startup), I decided to purchase something that will help someone else's dream first and now I have all the more reason to earn that money back because I knew where it was spent. Not everyone has the advantage of credit, I understand, but I worked my way toward it and I earned it because I always, no matter what, pay my loaners back because they help me reach dreams and deserve my loyalty. That's how I view investing and I always will.